Friday, April 20, 2012
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Pretty Boy Thorson Fest Bio
While in the middle of doing nothing I was asked by Pretty Boy Thorson & The Fallen Angels if I would write a bio for them to post on their Fest 7 band page. I said yes and came up with something.
Want to see how a genius works? Here is the steps from beginning to end of how I wrote the bio.
1. Idea pops into my head
2. txt following message to PBT & The F'n'A's guitarist Dave Strait:
Bio idea 1. A checklist of all activities that would if caught put members of band in jail.
3. Receive reply:
Too Long!
4. I respond to that with:
Just use the ones that would keep you out of office.
5. No reply. I write up what I think it should say and later that night give it to Dave. He takes something off and adds something else. Dave submits it to the fest and than it is posted.
and here's the link
Want to see how a genius works? Here is the steps from beginning to end of how I wrote the bio.
1. Idea pops into my head
2. txt following message to PBT & The F'n'A's guitarist Dave Strait:
Bio idea 1. A checklist of all activities that would if caught put members of band in jail.
3. Receive reply:
Too Long!
4. I respond to that with:
Just use the ones that would keep you out of office.
5. No reply. I write up what I think it should say and later that night give it to Dave. He takes something off and adds something else. Dave submits it to the fest and than it is posted.
and here's the link
Saturday, September 15, 2007
The HATER PACK is now available
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Citizen
Are you tired of others viewpoints conflicting with your own? Is it no longer enough to just sit back and have your own own opinion, do you feel the need to act out and shut down the oh so mistaken thoughts of others? Is the sole battleground for this raging war on convictions the back bumpers of automobiles? If you answered yes to any of these questions than I have the product for you.
Friends the back-sided tyranny of self-expression is at it's end and as with all endings it begins a new with the HATER PACK. Yes, the HATER PACK brought to by the fine people at Burlesque of North America and myself. What's in a HATER PACK you ask well for the low price of just $5.00* you will receive sixteen brightly one colored clear vinyl stickers that let people know how misguided the choices they have made are.
First up is the Anti sticker. Just lay this clear vinyl gem over a bumper sticker or sign that you find to conflict with your idea of a well run society and watch the original intent twist to something a bit more to your liking. Now in three different sizes.Sometimes in the busy day to day hustle and bustle world of ours a large amount of suck gets passed by as not sucking and the masses seem not to notice. Well, no more because next up in the HATER PACK is the infamous Sucks series. These self-explanatory and self-adhesive objects help let the uninformed know that ignoring this warning will lead them down a road of inescapable suck.
You get THIS PLACE SUCKS, THIS RESTAURANT &/OR BAR SUCKS, THIS APARTMENT SUCKS, and THIS ALBUM SUCKS.
How have you lived this long and not had these at your disposal? It's time to wake up the world and tell it to it's fat stupid face how wrong it's been and how much it sucks with the HATER PACK.
Just read the testimonials of these happy costumers.
"You ever heard of this Jesus guy? Yeah, I hadn't really either, but it turns out a ton of people with a disposable income set aside just for bumper stickers that spread his word had. I did a little research and it turns out that most of the people with the stickers were jerks. Thanks to the HATER PACK I just placed some Anti stickers over their Jesus said blah, blah, blah about some stupid shit or whatever and now everybody can see them for the jerks they are. Thanks HATER PACK I couldn't of done it without you."
Matthew - Shoreview, Mn
"America, alright I fucking get it already you like the way the flag looks on the door of your house or on the back of your car. Guess what, I see your flag sticker as the empty gesture it truly is and now with the HATER PACK so will some other people."
Rose Marie - Minneapolis, Mn
"Iron Maiden totally rules!™ up to a point and than they really suck. They can suck all they want that's up to them the problem is that for people who want to get into Maiden it's not easy to figure out which albums to buy and which to avoid because all the covers to their records depict Eddy doing something major fucking wicked. Now thanks to the HATER PACK I can just lay one of those THIS ALBUM SUCKS stickers on the criminally shitty later records and the problem is solved. Also works great with Metallica post Master of Puppets and the entire G'n'R discography. Thanks HATER PACK together we may just make the world a safer place to rock." Gabe - Coon Rapids, Mn
Now find out for yourself just how amazing this product is. Here's how:
HATER PACK and other great products are available at the following
Burlesque Of North America
La Mano 21
YouWorkForThem
In the Minneapolis area please stop in at
Big Brain Comics 1027 Washington ave S
*does not include S&H
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
With heavy heart and a bottle of whiskey...
Kurt Vonnegut Died today.
"Thomas Edison's Shaggy Dog" was the first thing I read by him. It was just another assignment for my high school freshmen English class. I was not too impressed but for some reason it stuck with me. The next year my Mom's friend Barb who, and I'll never really understand why, was under the impression that I loved reading about World War II gave me a bag of books that all had to do with the subject. Nothing struck me as interesting so I left the books sitting on a table and didn't pay them any mind. A few day's later my friend Pete came over, when he walked by the table he picked up the book laying on top it was "Slaughter-House Five". He handed it to me and said he'd heard it was good. That's when "Thomas Edison's Shaggy Dog" jumped into my head. So I gave it a chance.
I love those moment's so much. Those unexpected moments that you feel define you as a person. I was sold on the book about two paragraphs in. All the adolescent undeniable truths and existential crisis' were so easily summed up in the beliefs and ideas he put on paper. He asked the same questions I was asking and he wanted to meet the ones with the answers to hold them accountable as much as I did, that meant others did too. The place I went when I was reading his books was the closest to home I had ever felt. For a teenager that feeling was so foreign and comfortable that I never wanted to let it go. So I didn't.
Over the next couple of years I became obsessed I read everything I could find novels, essays interviews, introductions he wrote for other peoples books, and books about him. I even read Eden Express the book his son Mark wrote. Everything I read just proved to me over and over that he was hand's down the most important writer I will ever read. A few years after I had finished what I thought was everything, he released Timequake. It was o'kay, parts of it were amazing more importantly he did some speaking engagements to promote it. The closest he was coming to me was Chicago. I was not going to miss it.
I made the drive to Chicago. When I finally found where he was speaking I was about a thousand back in line. I heard someone say they had started seating people so I made a mad dash to the front trying to quickly explain to every person I pushed out of my way that I had driven from Minnesota just for this and that gave me every right to be a dick. I made it to the front in time to hear that there was not even standing room left. I explained my situation to one of the ushers who kindly let me and about fifteen others in. We were sat on the stage about ten feet from where he was sitting. I was so excited that I forgot everything he talked about by the time I left the auditorium.
Over the next few years I was lucky enough to see him a couple more times. Once In Madison and once In St. Paul. I was able to retain a bit more from those. I was never able to shake his hand and explain what he meant to me which I am thankful for. I would hate to have those moments tainted by embarrassing gushing.
In my obsession I even have a Vonnegut drawing of Kilgore Trout tattooed on my arm. The Illustration comes from the before mentioned Timequake even though the scene takes place during a very important part of Breakfast of Champions.
Throughout the last 17 years Vonnegut's books have gone everywhere with me from mental health to mental illness, love to heartbreak, Canada to jail. I even spent the loneliest New Years Eve reading "Hocus Pocus" in a hotel lobby while in Lawrence, Ks. after a failed attempt to interview Burroughs (that's another story for another time). When I started reading in the lobby I was the only one around but when the clock hit midnight a huge conga line of rednecks quickly took over. They were loud and drunk but they left me completely alone. Vonnegut was the only thing that made another year seem hopeful.
Kurt Vonnegut is dead. He's in Heaven now. So it goes...
So what now.
In 1999 a book of his old uncollected short stories came out called "Bagombo Snuff Box". I had not read any of these stories. I knew he didn't have much writing left in him and certainly not anything of this size. So I put it aside. Yep, it went on a shelf with all the other Vonnegut books. I decided not to open it until he passed away. So I could have that one last thing to celebrate his life. I wish it could have sat on the shelf several more years but he lived a long life. Longer than he ever wanted to.
With heavy heart and a bottle of whiskey I say goodbye and thank you.
"Thomas Edison's Shaggy Dog" was the first thing I read by him. It was just another assignment for my high school freshmen English class. I was not too impressed but for some reason it stuck with me. The next year my Mom's friend Barb who, and I'll never really understand why, was under the impression that I loved reading about World War II gave me a bag of books that all had to do with the subject. Nothing struck me as interesting so I left the books sitting on a table and didn't pay them any mind. A few day's later my friend Pete came over, when he walked by the table he picked up the book laying on top it was "Slaughter-House Five". He handed it to me and said he'd heard it was good. That's when "Thomas Edison's Shaggy Dog" jumped into my head. So I gave it a chance.
I love those moment's so much. Those unexpected moments that you feel define you as a person. I was sold on the book about two paragraphs in. All the adolescent undeniable truths and existential crisis' were so easily summed up in the beliefs and ideas he put on paper. He asked the same questions I was asking and he wanted to meet the ones with the answers to hold them accountable as much as I did, that meant others did too. The place I went when I was reading his books was the closest to home I had ever felt. For a teenager that feeling was so foreign and comfortable that I never wanted to let it go. So I didn't.
Over the next couple of years I became obsessed I read everything I could find novels, essays interviews, introductions he wrote for other peoples books, and books about him. I even read Eden Express the book his son Mark wrote. Everything I read just proved to me over and over that he was hand's down the most important writer I will ever read. A few years after I had finished what I thought was everything, he released Timequake. It was o'kay, parts of it were amazing more importantly he did some speaking engagements to promote it. The closest he was coming to me was Chicago. I was not going to miss it.
I made the drive to Chicago. When I finally found where he was speaking I was about a thousand back in line. I heard someone say they had started seating people so I made a mad dash to the front trying to quickly explain to every person I pushed out of my way that I had driven from Minnesota just for this and that gave me every right to be a dick. I made it to the front in time to hear that there was not even standing room left. I explained my situation to one of the ushers who kindly let me and about fifteen others in. We were sat on the stage about ten feet from where he was sitting. I was so excited that I forgot everything he talked about by the time I left the auditorium.
Over the next few years I was lucky enough to see him a couple more times. Once In Madison and once In St. Paul. I was able to retain a bit more from those. I was never able to shake his hand and explain what he meant to me which I am thankful for. I would hate to have those moments tainted by embarrassing gushing.
In my obsession I even have a Vonnegut drawing of Kilgore Trout tattooed on my arm. The Illustration comes from the before mentioned Timequake even though the scene takes place during a very important part of Breakfast of Champions.Throughout the last 17 years Vonnegut's books have gone everywhere with me from mental health to mental illness, love to heartbreak, Canada to jail. I even spent the loneliest New Years Eve reading "Hocus Pocus" in a hotel lobby while in Lawrence, Ks. after a failed attempt to interview Burroughs (that's another story for another time). When I started reading in the lobby I was the only one around but when the clock hit midnight a huge conga line of rednecks quickly took over. They were loud and drunk but they left me completely alone. Vonnegut was the only thing that made another year seem hopeful.
Kurt Vonnegut is dead. He's in Heaven now. So it goes...
So what now.
In 1999 a book of his old uncollected short stories came out called "Bagombo Snuff Box". I had not read any of these stories. I knew he didn't have much writing left in him and certainly not anything of this size. So I put it aside. Yep, it went on a shelf with all the other Vonnegut books. I decided not to open it until he passed away. So I could have that one last thing to celebrate his life. I wish it could have sat on the shelf several more years but he lived a long life. Longer than he ever wanted to.
With heavy heart and a bottle of whiskey I say goodbye and thank you.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Porwall and I are anonymously famous on the interweb
I just stumbled upon a conversation Porwall and I had at Target last Friday. Where in the world could I have stumbled upon such a thing you say. Well the Overheard in Minneapolis website of course.
Someone overheard us talking and submitted it. Here is the link http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/you_can_never_be_too_careful.html
Porwall is 30 something dude and I am friend.
Enjoy
Someone overheard us talking and submitted it. Here is the link http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/you_can_never_be_too_careful.html
Porwall is 30 something dude and I am friend.
Enjoy
Monday, April 2, 2007
My Netflix Movie Reviews in Under 200 Characters pt. 1
| Shortbus | |||||
| Neurotica would best describe this. Think of Caligula? O'kay now imagine Woody Allen & Todd Solondz remaking Caligula after splitting an eightball and a couple bottles of | |||||
| Little Man | |||||
| Obviously fucking Retarded. If you are looking for a drinking game movie than this is it. Every time someone gets hit in the nuts take a drink. I promise you'll be blacked out by the end of the | |||||
Thursday, October 5, 2006
Watch me on the computer box
If anybody is interested I have a small cameo in a web show called Chasing Windmills. The shows site is www.chasingmills.com and the address to my episode from Wednesday Oct. 4th is
"Lurking"
Do not expect to have your mind blown.
"Lurking"
Do not expect to have your mind blown.
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